ZOMBIE DIARY: All the other zombies are doing it... 9-9-00: Me, plus zombies Bob and Tucker took a trip to the zoo yesterday and we had a lot of fun. I'm kinda bummed though because I was planning on getting lots of pictures and putting them up on this site but I made the mistake of letting zombie tucker take the pictures. He had the camera for the whole day and this is the only one he took:
Our little zombie group stood there laughing at "little rupert" there for awhile. That took a couple of hours. We then moved on to the monkey area and had a ball there too. Zombies get monkeys REALLY rowled up and they were smacking the windows and throwing feces with great zeal. Zombie Bob got really into it and started throwing feces back. It was all fun and games until he caught some in the eye. Bob went into their pen and started pushing one around calling him a "beeatch" and stuff, asking him to "step up," and then the killing started. We barely escaped with our lives. I sprinted for my zombie truck, hopped in and did a huge burnout just as zombies Tucker and Bob hopped in. About a block later I realized what I'd just done, stopped, and made both of those fuckers get in the back. They got tons of skin and monkey feces on my seats. Half the zoo must've been on fire. Monkeys all over the place were battling their keepers, later I saw a riot with the monkeys against the national guard on TV. I bet those 2 kangaroos were still at it. We've all got ebola virus now but we're zombies, we can hack it. Overall a day well spent.
8-3-00: I'm pretty sure I saw a UFO today, but as soon as I got out of that solvent tank I was cleaning, it disappeared. That left me kinda bummed for the rest of the day. Later on I tried to dull the pain of such rejection by listening to pokemon and scooby doo techno remixes. I eventually pulled myself together though, and all is well now. Well, almost, the house is bare of food and my smoothies now consist of wood chips, grass, egg shells and worst of all cranberry juice. Somebody, if you're reading this come over and bring supplies, I don't know how much longer I can last. I might need intraveinous brain nutrition at this point. I've fallen and I can't really get up so brain hunting is not an option. Thanks and if I don't make it, comfort yourself with the knowledge that the last thing I saw was one of my roughage smoothies.
7-30-00: Well it's reaallly laete nda I'm geting tired. I was gonna write about my run down in hobo jungle but I'm just so tired that I just...might... b\l9onb 8mhuu7u7nb vf OUCH KEYBOARD DOES NOT MAKE A GOOD PILLOW! Fuck this I'm going to bed.
7-29-00: I can't recall the last 36 hours or so. All I know is that I woke up naked in the middle of the interstate. I noticed I added a new journal so I must've been home at some point. I seem to remember something about soft serve ice cream gone wrong and freestyle rapping competitions. Another theory is it was those smoothy surprises I've been making lately [I have to think hard to surprise myself]. On a seperate note, I've discovered a new concept to validate my laziness. I am gonna sit in my dark den here by my computer for weeks on end, not because I'm lazy, but because I'm on an "activity strike". Like a hunger strike but I get to be comfortable. I just sit here. I just need to find a good reason why. I noticed that plane crashed in europe, I was thinking I could just do this to protest planes crashing or something. At any rate it's been awhile since I've seen natural light so I'm happy.
7-28-00: Buahah, dude, and then flames! Shopping carts of satan, and I was like, Levi, you ran up the building, ack, window washers, take evasive action! We have turboed out the ass monks closing on our undisclosed public area, with the shredded dongs of Allah, foot dick cheeseburger!
But dude, wah, what happened, when the monkeys, and the blue, CHEESE!
7-24-00: "No journals for about a month eh?" Well bite me. Anyways, my new paintball gun came today. The wee little blazer. I've already used it to escape 3 brushes with death. That's good because that spork I had for such purposes was getting pretty ghetto. Bolt design is nifty. Zombies love stuff like that. Pull it out, slides out, great fun. Other than that, the gym has tried to kick me out. I guess they're losing revenue because of all the maimings going around lately. To keep me out they're keeping large amounts of fat old women in full body spandex suits circulating through the gym at all times. It's like garlic to a vampire, I just can't take it. This is war though, so I must retaliate. I was thinking about making some sort of anti-fat women in spandex shield/biohazard suit, but I made one like superman's on his cartoon show and it didn't work. That superman is just in it for the money, not to help us fight our battles. Another idea was to roll some anthrax down the ventilation system of the gym. I figure if I can't use the facilities, no one should! I hit a road block when I went to a nearby albertson's grocery store and asked if they had any anthrax around. That certainly rowled the cops up, just after they were done grieving over their buddies I lit on fire with my telekinesis [long old story, check zombie tucker's site]. In the end I'll probably take the easy route and throw a brick at someone's door. That seems to get people moving for some stupid reason.
6-28: I went to the gym today. Even though stupid humans think we are naturally strong that's not always true, we too have to work out to get truly beefy. I get a lot of stares though. I still haven't found anyone who will spot me, they all act busy. One guy who thought he was pretty buff started giving me shit for not bringing a towel to wipe my zombie sweat and extra loose flesh off the machines. I beat him in the head with a dumb bell, grabbed 2 handfulls of brain, and sprinted out the door and back towards my scary zombie truck. All in all a succesful venture.
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